Let's pick up right where we left off.
First of all I got a lot of positive reactions about my last post in this series so thank you a lot for that, I hope as I continue exploring personal Empathy you'll find the stories interesting and informative.
Here's how Altruism is defined in the dictionary: disinterested and selfless concern for the well-being of others.
The reason I bring up altruism because since a very young age a lot of people have said that I'm "Too nice." or that I let people walk over me. I'll give a quick example of this before I try to disentangle the thought process that lead me to my decision
I was having a party at my house and there was this girl there that I had a major crush on. The girl showed up to the party with a date. A few hours into the party they wanted a place to be "Alone" so I told them they can use my bedroom (Which is uncommon for me, my bed has seen more action from other people than myself). Of course my roommate was watching all of this and his jaw dropped, he said "Dude don't you have a crush on that girl? You literally just gave her and this strange dude a bed." "Yeah, I also gave them a condom, what's your point?"
Now from his point of view, I just let a random dude into my house and then offered him the bed where I lay my head to have sex with a girl I liked. He really thought that I was just the biggest coward in the world. To some others it seemed like I just wanted the girl to be happy even with someone else... awwwwww. Well they were both wrong! Here's why I did it
I'm an Empath( I know I said it like a billion times but that doesn't make it less true). The way I analyse,interpret or experience social situations is completely different than most people. Let me explain that night from my perspective:
A - I had known the girl for years by that point, which means if something were to happen between us something would've happened. She's my friend and I shouldn't be crushing on her to begin with so that's on me.
B - I knew how she felt about me,she didn't like me that way. And on that specific night she already had a date. Which means even if she did like me and I told her that I did, what is she gonna just ditch her date and throw herself in my arms? that's just unrealistic and I know she won't do that.
C - I could feel that they were both.... let's say "Excited" , and its not like I was going to use that room anyways.
So unlike what people think about Empaths, that we put people ahead of ourselves even though it harms us, we actually just analyse the situation and see what is the best reaction at that time. The reaction that'll create the least amount of negative feelings. So in that situation if I had said "No you can't use my room, go get your own." I would've Disappointed my friend, Hurt her, Confused the guy and had two very sexually frustrated guests. So the social maths in my head of me being a bit Hurt Vs. Hurting two people made sense to me, letting them have the room caused me the least amount of pain and so I did it.
The reason I'm telling you this, is because I want to dispel the rumour that Empaths just let people walk over them just because we don't want to hurt anyone. That's profoundly wrong, we do it because in a lot of situations when you're hurt there's no need to hurt the one that hurt you, you're only putting more hurt in the world. Because I do strongly believe that we create our own world. Our world is a collection of actions, observations, feelings and memories. Everything you do is an action observed by others, an action which creates a feeling and leaves a memory. Everything everyone does creates the world even if just in an infinitesimally microscopic way. So why create more negative emotions? On which I'll pick up anyways.
In conclusion, I prefer to take the highway not because I'm selfless If you know me you'll know that I'm a stubborn condescending narcissistic bastard. But I do it because If someone hurt me and I yell at them and make them feel worse, I'll feel that bad feeling that I just made them feel, plus the hurt they have caused me. So in a way my (What seems) Selfless actions to people are actually just me doing what I like to call (Emotional Maths). Just calculating how to navigate the situation with minimum people feeling bad so I don't pick up on those bad feelings.
Please don't take advantage of this info and ask me to help you move or something, not because I won't help you, I will! But remember I'm tiny and frail, carrying things is not my forte. I'd prefer to help you with a translation job or something.
Thank you again for reading this entry. Next entry will be a much longer one since I'll be talking what it's like to date as an Empath, especially that one time I dated a Sociopath. That was insane! But you have to wait till next week to hear all about it.
Today I feel: Overwhelmed about an upcoming show. Excited about a friend coming back to visit. Angry by some turmoil I'm having with a close friend. Anxious about monetary issues. Happy to be helping out a friend. Curious about the lucrativeness of a new project. Disturbed by some social behaviour I witnessed recently.
See you next time when I tell how it is a nightmare to date me....
No comments:
Post a Comment