Tuesday, July 25, 2017

I don't want to say goodbye

I don't want to say goodbye as I leave, it never made sense to me. Good....... Bye.
I don't want to acknowledge my departure verbally and claim that it's good. because it's a bye.
Because byes aren't good, mostly not. bad is a bye, good it never is. why do i speak like that, my brain jumps at thinking to byes and good and bad. As I walk away I don't want to guess that it's good because it might be great, or bad, or bye or hello and it's all there. As I leave I want to look at the world in silence as my brain digests what happened in the happening of what occurred and will happen and what could have would have might have and should have happened. It wants it all, it doesn't want the good of the bye it wants the bad of it and the much and the little and the more and the why? why? that's what it wants, that's what I want! WHY? wHy? whY? it asks i ask we ask we find we lose we cry... so much tears we cry. I find it funny, water comes out of our head... is that how primitive our emotions are? money and tears and gifts we use. And yet we say goodbye when we leave loved ones. Does our language mean nothing anymore? We say see you again when we don't know we will. we say that was great when it was only ok.. ok is ok it should be ok, ok is safe it's smart. Great is dangerous... Great can be greatly horrible, it should be greatly horrible, it all should be. language play, great Greatly horrible, I find it all in my brain to play with. like a jigsaw puzzle always painting the wrong picture. the music of the guitar plays as the puzzles fit together in a tortured brain, i don't like to say soul. soul is weird, inexplicable, brain is fun, it's interesting. It works. I wanna leave, go far away, my brain wants it. and when i do i won't say good bye, i won't shed a tear or say see you again. I want to be honest I want to say I probably will never see you again, this could be good or a bad bye and my tears are digest into piece puzzles that fall out of my mouth. so no... no i don't want to say goodbye.