All I wanted to hear

I share my story with you, my paper. I write using the ink that I can barely afford listening to music through the radio for lack of a better option. I write on you not because I hope someone will read it. I write on you because the emotions that I have are too beautiful to be deprived of their immortalization by words.

It's funny how sometimes walks into your life, and hits you like a bullet train carrying you of your feet and swiping you across domains you never even know existed. If funny is the right word for having the fabric of your life torn apart and the most majestic way imaginable. Sometimes they don't even walk in, they merely pass by and their aura carries you up,up and away.

I met someone recently, someone on whose life I had no impact but had a massive impact on mine. A stranger who passed by my life like a shadow. A shadow that haunted, haunts, and will haunt me till the day I die. "I've been in love before." Is a sentence I idiotically uttered here and there like a blabber mouth. "Yes I do like her." That garbage also came out of my malignant word generating hole. But then she walked in into my life, the grace of a dancer and the strength of a bull. And what's insane is that she didn't even walk into the circle of my life, she skipped on the outskirts just outside the fence. I saw her there hopping up and down without a single care in the world. My reality bent upon it's self and her eyes were burnt into my memory. When she talked to me for the first time, her smile made me reinvent the definition of beauty in my head. Not because of it's perfection or aesthetics, no it was far from that. It was because of the purity of it. It seemed as if it came from somewhere beyond humanity where love resides. Her words pierced through my ears like bullets of truth and lodged in my brain. Her touch felt like the end of humanity and the purpose of the universe.

Slowly but surely she walked out. Not eagerly or uncomfortable, she just continued skipping. "I know what I want" Was also ridiculous sounds that escaped my useless body. But I didn't know what I want, I didn't know what I want until I heard my heart sing with joy at the thought of her existence. I closed my eyes, and all my senses embodied her, took her imperfections and flaws and idiotically disregarded them until she became this perfect entity. This incomparable goddess that can reach into my soul and pull the darkness. My mind knew better but my heart knew stronger. 

Dear paper, I don't want her. It's dangerous for me to want her. Me wanting her would be like Icarus wanting to fly into the sun. I don't want her, dear paper, but I want the idea of her. I want the feeling of her. I want the image of her. What do I want? I want to see someone who makes me feel like she did. And now oh just now I know, I've never been in love before. I've loved! but never been in love! I tolerated and enjoyed! But I never liked! Now I know, my heart knows what love really is. I know what it really feels like to want something, what it's like to look at someone for the first time and say "All I wanted to hear my entire life...........is 'Yes' coming from your lips"