Wednesday, June 13, 2018

The Male Empath (Athiesm)

And here we are, the conclusion to the Empath series.

 Since this specific topic is quite controversial, I thought I'd start with some disclaimers. First and foremost everything I've written in this series is purely personal and not to be taken as scientific or factual. I've simply written how I personally interact with the world. Secondly, this post is not meant to offend anyone's faith or religion, it's merely a telling of how I felt about faith.

 Faith has always been tricky to me. I grew up in a very VERY religious family. Like "Music comes from the devil" religious. I went to the mosque every day since I was four years until I was about 16, I learned the entirety of the Quran and actually memorised all of it. But faith in itself has always baffled me. You see as an Empath there are all these feelings floating around all the time and I like deconstructing them, but with faith I could never get a finger on it. I don't think that faith is a feeling per say, it's more of a state of being.

 When I was at the mosque listening to our various teachers teach us about Islam I could tell how they're feeling. They all had conviction I have to admit that but I never really felt their "Faith". Neither with my family, whose emotions I learned to read much better than others. It was always hard to pick faith from amongst other feelings. I felt a lot of conviction but also a lot of doubt and worry. Not doubt in God per say, just general doubt about the meaning of life. And it baffled me because I thought following a religion should remove that sense of aimlessness that we all feel.

 Every time my family talked about or practised religion I really wanted to pick up on their faith but there was always that existential crisis in all of them. When I was lucky enough to go to Europe and meet Christians and Jews and people from other religion, their energy was pretty much the same. I've felt like to most of them faith and or religion was more of a safety net, whether they know this consciously or not I could not say but I've always felt it being used as a safety net.

  I've had various conversations with people who are still in their religion just because their family is even though they never practised it. I even know Christians who have never been to church or ever read one word in the bible to begin with. You see I've been told all the time the faith is supposed to bring you calm and a direction, but I've never felt that from other people. Especially my father, who I think is the most religious person I know, I've never felt like religion brought him peace of mind in anyway, it certainly never brought me any peace either.

 All of the factors above, really made me questions whether religion is something that's real or if it is just an emotional safety net. Religious people always have a sense of belonging I have to admit that but they also feel alone a lot. So I came to the conclusion that if religion can't give a sense of belonging the way it should, or a sense of peace the way it should then what's the point?

 Why should I submit myself to an entity that has never really done anything for me? and slowly I realised that there's nothing that'll stop a human from feeling alone or from questioning life. Because we are born without asking for it, given a conscious without asking for it. And live with that state of self-awareness without asking for it. Religion or not, when you give something self-awareness they're gonna be scared and lonely and confuse. Plus I know it's not a very valid argument but there are 4200 religions in the world... so the chances of any one of them being right is 1 in 4200.

 In conclusion, I've never felt that faith really helped people around me too much, it gives a lot of people a sense of safety but so does having good friends or a family.

 Thank you so much for everyone who has read this series, it was very hard for me to share all I've shared.

 Today I'm feeling: Relieved because I'm bouncing back from an illness. Unsure about my career choices. Glad that I stuck with this series and finished it. Nervous about money like always. Anxious about a few job applications.

Thanks again.  

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